shenay laila.

i. There’s a reason why you can’t forget his voice telling you you’re beautiful. It’s because when he said it, when he looked at you with that air of awe, you breathed in every scent of his light and for the first time, you didn’t feel as dark, as ugly, as heavy. Whenever his lips spoke those words you caught them like butterflies clenched in your hands, crushing them until they’re broken and yet, you still wonder why he left.

ii. You choke yourself up in heartbreak and you grasp at your neck, clawing and trying to tear it all out but darling here’s the thing, you can throw up alcohol the same way you drink it in but you can’t put something in your heart and just take it out when it heavies you down. It doesn’t work like that.

iii. Darkness is a funny thing, isn’t it? You try to fumble your way out, desperate and hungry for light but when it shines on your face you can’t even open your eyes. It hurts and stings and you end up crawling back into that comfortable pit of misery, warming yourself up with memories and ghosts of the man who never came back.

iv. The truth is that you love sadness too much, you lie yourself into believing you need him still when the choice is yours and you can reach it now.